Never Gone Too Far
by deathwave1
Summary: Why didn't you come back? You knew I'd hate you. You knew I'd be in pain. But you thought that if you could still see me, that would be enough. You thought that no matter how deep I sink, you can pull me back. And in my heart, I know that you're right. IchiRuki. Warning: self-harm/suicide references. Fullbring arc never happened, and based on anime only.
1. Chapter 1

It was a beautiful day, but it only served to remind Rukia of the day she and Ichigo had said goodbye. Even here in Soul Society, seventeen months afterward, the thought of her friend still brought tears to her eyes. She would never see him again, Yamamoto had banned her from further contact with him. She sighed, staring emptily out into the Kuchiki manor's garden. He would never know how much he meant to her. She had cut her hair when she left. It was an old samurai tradition to do so when you have your heart broken.

"Kuchiki-san!" someone shouted. "Ukitake-taichou wants to see you! Something about a mission to the Human World." Rukia pulled herself out of her thoughts. The Human World? That was a cruel joke. To send her back there after she had lost the man she loved.

Ichigo stared into the great blue expanse of the sky. All he could feel was the pain, all he could hear was his weakness, and all he could see was her face...

Rukia stepped from the senkaimon into Karakura Town. It has been so long... Her head shot up. No way. No way in hell. She could feel the strawberry's reiatsu. She shot towards the location as fast her flash step could carry her. He was back. She could see him again. What Ukitake had said was true. But...he would hate her. And could Rukia really blame him? She pushed the thoughts away and arrived to see him sitting on the riverbank. Before she could step any closer, he pulled out a black switchblade.

Ichigo stared at the knife, a simple way to disguise Zangetsu. He flicked out the blade, held it to his arm, and sat for a long moment before moving the weapon away again and replacing it in his pocket. "No," he muttered. "No, we're over this. I resolved this a long time ago." His trance-like state rendered him unable to sense the reiatsu of the reason for his depression approaching. "I never thought it would hurt this much, knowing I'd never see her again..."

Rukia watched in horror as Ichigo almost cut himself. There were scars up and down his arm. She heard him talk to himself, and almost cried on the spot. If she had hurt him this much, maybe she should stay out of his life. But, she realized, that wouldn't help either. So she took a step forward and said, "Ichigo?"

Ichigo stood straight up as soon as he heard Rukia's voice. No. Why was she back? Because she cares, Zangetsu said in his head. No. Nonononono. He slowly turned his head and there she was. Shihakusho, new haircut, and lieutenant's badge. He turned all the way around to face her. "You can see me?" Rukia whispered. Ichigo ran.

He came flying through the front door of Kurosaki Clinic, and ran straight for his room. He couldn't do this. He couldn't. He didn't want her back, didn't want another friendship, didn't want to fall in love again, and most of all didn't want his heart to break once more because of the beautiful shinigami. She's a death god of love, he thought to himself. Destroying his heart. He stripped off his shirt and thew himself down, tracing the burn scar down his chest that he had gotten from his suicide attempt. His fingers reached the point where the scar intersected with where Rukia had stabbed him the night they met. "Damn you," he muttered. "Why does the pain always come to me?"

Rukia stood frozen. Why did he run? Why had he tried to hurt himself? And why did his eyes look so dead, the light of determination and bravery replaced by one of depression and the confidence replaced by a broken, scared look? She would have to ask him.  
>She could sense his reiatsu fleeing towards his house. In that moment, she came to a decision. She would confess to him and when he rejected her, she deserved it for hurting him so badly.<p>

Ichigo was lying in bed shirtless when Rukia came in his window. He had a whole bunch of new scars, including a rather impressive burn going all the way down his chest. Mentally she wondered how many were self-inflicted. She realized she was staring. Blushing slightly, Rukia greeted him with a mumbled hello. Why did he have to be half-naked? That was just making this more awkward.  
>He stared at her- no, not really at her. More through her, like he knew she was there, but didn't care enough to acknowledge her. "Why are you here?" Ichigo said emotionlessly. Rukia was surprised. Of all the questions she expected, that was not one of them. "Because we're friends. I saw you about to hurt yourself at the river, I'm worried," she explained. "And it's been a year and a half, I want to talk." Ichigo pushed himself out of bed. "Give me a sec, gotta get something," he muttered. He dug through his desk drawer for a moment, before pulling out his Combat Pass and laying his physical body down on his bed. "Let's go somewhere else to talk," Ichigo said before disappearing in a burst of flash step.<p>

Why had he said that? Ichigo asked himself. He had convinced himself that he would act like Rukia didn't exist and wasn't there, but with the love of his life right in front of him, he just...couldn't. Maybe you do want her back, Zangetsu whispered in his head. Maybe I do, Ichigo agreed. But I still haven't forgiven her.  
>He eventually reached his destination, a tall church roof in the middle of town. He glanced back and was surprised to see Rukia arriving close behind him. He pushed down the temptation to challenge her to a race.<br>"Why here?" Rukia asked, glancing around. Ichigo shrugged. "Would you prefer somewhere else?" he asked. She shook her head.  
>Ichigo sat down and leaned against the cross attached to the top of the church. He didn't react when Rukia sat down next to him. "Where do I start..." Ichigo murmured, staring into the distance. "I suffer from depression. It came on about six months after you left and I lost my powers, when I realized you weren't coming back. It wasn't a large step from depression to self-harm." He rolled up his left sleeve, revealing an arm covered in scars. Then he rolled up his right sleeve.<br>Rukia stared. Carved into the skin on his forearm were words. Pathetic. Weak. Powerless. Useless. "Why?" she whispered. Ichigo looked away and let his sleeve fall. "Because in my mind at the time, these things were true. I wanted to show the truth to everyone, so no one would mistake me for who I used to be," he explained quietly. "Self-harm didn't help at all. The depression stayed, maybe got worse. My powers were returning, I could see spirits again, but nothing changed the fact that you didn't care enough to come back. I eventually attempted suicide about five months ago. I put myself in front of a hollow and let it try to eat me."  
>Ichigo pushed the folds of his shihakusho to the side, revealing the burn scar. "It tried to burn my physical body away, and that's when the rest of my powers came back. My reiatsu exploded, killed the hollow and burnt a rather large hole in the forest. I've been getting better since. Stopped hurting myself about a month ago."<br>Rukia looked at the sunset. "The captain-commander ordered me to cease all contact with you. I wanted to come back, Ichigo. I'm sorry." He looked at her, and his eyes were so sad, pained and betrayed that she almost broke down on the spot. "And you never once tried to disobey that order?" Ichigo asked, the hurt clear in his voice. "If I was I caught, I'd be executed for high treason. And I was raised in the Kuchiki family. I'm not good at breaking rules," she explained. It even sounded lame to Rukia.  
>They sat in silence for several minutes. Eventually Rukia said,"I'm sor-" her voice was cut off by Ichigo kissing her. Her eyes went wide, and her pulse almost wrapped his arms around her, and her mind and heart melted away. She leaned into him and placed her palms on his chest. Happiness flooded through her like someone had broken a dam.<p>

Ichigo pulled back, but kept his arms around her. He could almost see Zangetsu smiling in his head. "Don't," he said quietly. "I know that look, the one where you blame yourself and apologize. It's not your fault. Please just promise me to never blame yourself for my weakness again." Rukia stared at him in shock, partly from the kiss and partly from what he was asking her to do. After a long moment, she said hesitantly, "I'll promise that if you do same." Ichigo smiled, his first real expression of happiness in almost a year and a half. "It's a deal," he agreed. And this time Rukia kissed him.  
>They held each other for a long time, talking, forgiving, and slowly starting to heal.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Is this how you do an authors note? Idk. Anyway, here's chapter two. I'm honestly struggling with the idea of Ichigo becoming captain. If he does, I'll still focus mainly on him breaking his depression and there will be lots of IchiRuki fluff. Anyway, enjoy the chapter!**

"IIICHIIIIGOOOO!" The orange haired teen awakened to his insane father flying towards his bed. Ichigo sat up and tossed his dad out the window. He heard the idiot crying about how mean his son was outside and groaned. "You're paying for the glass!" Ichigo shouted. He turned away and sighed. Family. On the other hand, Goat-chin hadn't done that in a long time. Not since he had found out about Ichigo's...problems.

One Year Earlier

Ichigo stared at the ceiling blankly. His dad had seen him cutting himself earlier. They were going to have a 'father son talk' about it. He honestly couldn't care less. He was too far gone to bother with his crazy family. "Ichigo!" Isshin shouted from downstairs. He groaned. "Right now!" his dad shouted. Ichigo stood up and wandered downstairs. His dad was sitting in the living room with a serious look (for once) on his face.

"Do you miss Rukia-chan?" Isshin asked. Ichigo just looked back with with his dead stare. "Why would I?" he replied, not really answering. "You two are-" "Were," Ichigo interrupted. "Were friends."

Isshin sighed. "Regardless, you can't destroy yourself like this," he ordered. Ichigo stared straight into his father's eyes until Isshin shifted uncomfortably. "My life, my problems, old man. I'll fix this in my own way," the previous substitute shinigami said emotionlessly. And his father knew that was the best he could get.

Present

Ichigo shook himself out of his memories. It was a weekend. He was supposed to go talk to the Souls Society today. Rukia had said-wait, how had he even gotten home? He squeezed his eyes shut, remembering. He had talked to Rukia all night. He remembered lying back to look at the stars. He remembered waking up for a moment and seeing Rukia's face. Then he had been rudely awakened by the lunatic that was his father.

His closet door was shoved open. "Will you two keep it down?" Rukia shouted. "I'm trying to sleep! I feel like all of Hueco Mundo is partying outside my door!" "Technically it's my door midget!" Ichigo yelled back. Then he froze. Since when had arguing with his shinigami friend felt so...right? You missed her, Zangetsu announced.

Rukia's foot made direct contact with Ichigo's face. "Ow! What the hell?" the orange haired teen exclaimed. "Don't call me midget! You're just a giant!" she argued. "You could pass for a freaking elementary schooler! You're shorter than Toshirou for God's sake!" Rukia glared. Ichigo easily returned the death stare without flinching. Then they burst out laughing simultaneously.

Ichigo recovered first, running his hand through his shaggy orange hair. His face settled back into a scowl, but that was normal. It just meant he was content again. Rukia smiled at him, glad to see her friend happy again, even if it was only temporary. "We're going to Soul Society today," Ichigo announced, wasting no time. "I've got something I need to discuss with the old man." Rukia nodded, unsurprised. "We can either leave your body here or head over to Urahara's," the lieutenant agreed. "I need to talk to Urahara too anyway," Ichigo mumbled. Rukia raised an eyebrow, but didn't ask.

Five minutes later, they were standing together outside the Urahara shop. Ichigo had a vaguely nostalgic look on his face, and Rukia knew he was remembering all the adventures they had survived that had started at this shop. Her friend stepped inside without a moment's hesitation, and Rukia couldn't help but think that yet another chapter in the long and violent book that was their lives was about to begin.

"Kurosaki-san! Kuchiki-san! To what do I owe this enormous pleasure?" the illustrious shopkeepers asked in an annoyingly happy voice. "Can it," Ichigo grumbled. "We're going to Soul Society. You're looking after my body. Also, I figure if anyone can explain this you can, seeing how you always know things you aren't supposed to." Uruhara raised an eyebrow. "Whatever do you mean?" he asked. Ichigo reached out to his right and closed his fist, grasping on to a Quincy bow. Urahara sighed and did the unthinkable: he took off his hat. Ichigo took no notice of this and continued. "Ishida explained how to use this thing before I pissed him off, but he didn't know why I have Quincy powers. So I'm asking you. Who exactly was Kurosaki Masaki?"

Rukia stared at him. Him being a shinigami? Sure, why not? Achieving bankai in three days? Maybe. Being half-hollow? Ooookay. But he was a Quincy too? The word half-breed was insufficient. Urahara just shook his head. "I assume you know the true identity of your father?" Ichigo nodded. "When Isshin was in town to investigate a particularly powerful hollow that had been responsible for the deaths of several shinigami, Masaki charged out to assist him despite her clan's protests. She was injured in the process and infected with hollow reiatsu. Your old man used a healing method that I designed to save her life. Their souls were linked. As long as Kurosaki Masaki was alive, Shiba Isshin could no longer be a shinigami." Ichigo seemed to take this whole thing in stride except for one detail. "Does that mean I'm related to Ishida?" he asked.

Whack. That was Rukia's elbow striking Ichigo's chin. "Ow! What the hell!" he shouted. "Is that seriously the only thing you can say? Are you related to Ishida!? That's the only thing crossing your mind right now? Idiot!" she screamed back at him, grabbing his shihakusho. "Can you two shut up? It's early," a tired voice said from the back of the room. The quarreling friends both looked over and saw Yoruichi rubbing the sleep from her eyes. The color drained from Ichigo's face. "Sorry!" he shouted, bowing. Yoruichi waved it away and walked back into her room. "Best if we head downstairs.," Urahara said, guiding them away.

"Since when are you so polite?" Rukia asked, glancing up at Ichigo. He looked severely uncomfortable. "Yoruichi beat the shit out of me a while back," he muttered. Rukia snorted with laughter. "Ah, here we are," announced Urahara. "You'll need to dump that body, Kurosaki-san." Ichigo nodded, stepping out of his physical body. Rukia opened up the Senkaimon and a hell butterfly drifted out. They stepped in together, taking another step towards the way it was before.

All captains are to report to Division One headquarters, an announcement echoed. Kyoraku Shunsui, captain of Division Eight, glanced up. Ichigo-kun must be back, he thought to himself. I hope he's ready to make a rather important decision.

"Ichigo!" Renji's surprised voice said. Ichigo nodded, his face back to the scarily blank expression he had adopted over the past year and a half. "Hey wait, you can't just walk past without saying anything!" Ichigo looked over his shoulder at him. "Can't I?" the strawberry said quietly. He held Renji's gaze for a moment, then turned and walked into Division One headquarters.

"Kurosaki Ichigo, on behalf of all of Soul Society, I would like to congratulate you on your achievements in the war against Sosukē Aizen, and offer you a reward. If you accept, you will move to Soul Society permanently and become the captain of Division 5," Yamamoto said in his typical loud, old man voice. Ichigo let out a long breath. "Captain..." he murmured. He would be leaving behind his friends, his band, his family, and his human life. But he would be gaining captainship (obviously) and he could see Rukia every day, which . He weighed the options in his head. "Give me a month," Ichigo finally said. "One month to make up my mind about this. I can't just decide what I'm going to do with the rest of my life on the spot. Sound good?" Yamamoto opened one eye. "Am I to take your answer after that time as a product of much though and self-debate?" Ichigo scratched the back of his head. "I dunno about that, but it'll be a decision that I want to make," he answered in a way that didn't really answer the question at all. "Two more things. One, can I spend the month here in Soul Society? I already know my life in the Human World, I want to experience this one before I make my choice." Yamamoto agreed to this. "Also, is there a time when I can speak to you in private? I have something I need to discuss." Yamamoto's other eye opened at that. "I will send a hell butterfly at some point this month when I have time," the soutaichou announced. Ichigo nodded. "Dismissed!" Yamamoto shouted.

Rukia hurried towards Ichigo's reiatsu as soon as she got out of meeting with the Thirteenth's insane third seats to report. He was sitting up on Soukyoku Hill, dangling his feet over the edge of the cliff. "I figured you'd be here," she said. "You know me too well," he said. "This place holds a lot of memories. I was so strong back then." Rukia knew when he was talking about. She remembered the confident grin on his face when he stood there blocking the Soukyoku.

"Why do you say you were strong? If anything you were weaker then," Rukia asked, sitting down next to him. "Because," he replied thoughtfully. "I had determination. I had the urge to get stronger. I had the will to fight behind my sword. Nowadays, I can barely make myself draw Zangetsu to kill a hollow. I'm just so sick of fighting that I'm weaker." Rukia studied him for a moment. "Anybody in your position would be tired of fighting," she said cautiously. "Anybody in my position would've died along time ago," Ichigo said quietly. "Don't," Rukia said sharply. "I don't need you getting all depressed on me." Ichigo forced a smile.

"The old man offered me the captain spot for Division Five," he said. Rukia wasn't exactly surprised. "And you said?" "I asked for a month to make the choice." Rukia nodded. "So you'll be heading back to Karakura?" she asked. Ichigo shook his head. "I'm spending the month here." "Why?" "I already know what life is like back home. I want to know what it's like here," he said, convincingly skipping over the fact that he wanted to spend more time with her. Rukia nodded slowly. "Any other reason?" she asked, her piercing violet eyes staring into the depths of his soul. Ichigo looked at her. "Well, there was one other," he said hesitantly. Rukia raised one elegant eyebrow. A wicked grin spread across the substitute shinigami's face. "I can annoy you for a whole month," he laughed. Do you want her or not? Hollow Ichigo grumbled in his head. "I would punch you if we weren't sitting on the edge of a cliff," Rukia almost snarled. Ichigo grinned, not forcing it for once. "Since when has danger stopped you from beating me up?" he said, breathless from laughter. "Oh shut up strawberry," she ordered.

"Yo, lovebirds!" Renji's loud and rather annoying voice shouted. In a matter of seconds, he was in the ground with Sode no Shirayuki and a fully charged Cero pointed at his face. "WE! ARE! NOT! LOVEBIRDS!" The owners of said weapons raged simultaneously. "...Okay?" the redhead said meekly. Both weapons of mass destruction were removed but neither person offered him a hand.

"Anyway," Renji said, brushing the dust of his shihakusho, "Kuchiki-taichou wants to see you both." Rukia frowned. "Nii-sama? Why?" "Who cares," Ichigo said before the pineapple could offer explanation. "Let's just get this over with before Byakuya decides to hunt us down." Rukia sighed as Ichigo's informal address and skewed image of her brother, but accompanied him towards their family's manor.

Rukia and Ichigo sat in two chairs across a small table from Byakuya. Ichigo, being a disrespectful fool, tipped his chair back in two legs and asked, "Whaddya want?" loudly in an impatient tone. Byakuya eyed him condescendingly. "I was given a photo by a certain person earlier today, and I would appreciate an explanation of such photo," the noble said in his normal you-are-all-below-me tone. "Let's see it then," Ichigo snapped. The Kuchiki head slid a slip of paper across. Rukia's jaw dropped. It was a photo of she and Ichigo kissing. Not just that, it was extraordinarily well-taken picture, with the sunset illuminating them from behind.

"Photoshop," Ichigo pronounced, unimpressed. "It's a Human World thing, you can easily fake photos with it. Whoever made this desperately needs a life." Byakuya did not show expression. "I see. I will suitably punish them then," he said. "Now, if that's it I'll be going," Ichigo said, standing. "Dismissed," the captain of Division Six said, even though Ichigo was already halfway out the door.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I know this ones short, but I really wanted to get it up. Forgive me? XC**

"So where are you staying while you're here?" Rukia asked, glancing up at her orange-haired friend. "I've got a place," he said. "I'm actually gonna go train-" "Oh no you're not," she interrupted. "If you're going to live in Sereitei, you're going to actually live here and not just be antisocial here. We're going to get some food right now." Ichigo rolled his eyes. "Fine, I was getting hungry anyway," he muttered. "If you're hungry why were you going to train?" Rukia questioned, arching an eyebrow. "I don't normally eat much. Or sleep. Mostly just lie in bed and wallow in sadness," he explained. "I see," she said, silently deciding to get Unohana on his case ASAP.

They arrived at a little food stand Rukia knew, run by an old couple from Rukongai. While waiting for their food, the old woman struck up a conversation with Ichigo, which went something like this. "Where are you from?" "The Human World." "Oh, are you the substitute shinigami who defeated Aizen?" "Yes." "That's amazing! So you and Rukia are friends?" A shrug. "Is it true that you've been offered a spot as captain?" "Yes." "What did you say?" "Time to think."

Rukia whacked him upside the head. "Ichigo! Stop being rude!" she shouted at him. Ichigo just gave her a dead-eyed look, making her shiver. Just when she thought he was fine... "Ah, you two are a cute couple," the old man announced, carrying their food. Rukia blushed furiously, but Ichigo just said, "We're not like that sir." The man raised an eyebrow, amused. "Oh?" Ichigo nodded.

They walked to a small park to eat, Rukia not failing to notice that Ichigo got more relaxed the farther they got from other people. Eventually sitting down under some trees, they enjoyed a comfortable silence as they ate.

"Hey Ichigo?" Rukia asked. Ichigo glanced down at her. "Earlier when jii-san said that we were a cute couple and you told him we weren't like that-" "Was I wrong?" Ichigo interrupted, getting straight to what they both wanted to discuss. "I don't know," she said, figuring honesty would work best in this situation. He turned to face her. "Do you want that?" Ichigo asked, his face calm but not that blank mask. Rukia looked away, blushing slightly and not responding. Ichigo let out a long breath, not quite a sigh, but more preparing himself for what he was about to say. "When I first regained my powers, there was a time that I thought about just opening up a Senkaimon and charging in to see you," he confessed. She looked back into his amber eyes, seeing the pain there. "This is selfish, but I almost wish you had," she said quietly. Ichigo nodded. "I wish I had too. It took seeing you to jar me back into reality. Actually... I'm sorry and I don't want to ruin our friendship, but there's something I need to say." Rukia could see the hesitation in his eyes. She took gently placed her hand on his, trying to reassure him. "I think it clicked when Grimmjow nearly killed you. I thought I had lost you. That moment, I just wanted to disappear. I didn't want exist without you. I realized then that you had changed my life,given it meaning. You're my best friend, but I can't help but want more. After all, you're the one who took away the eternal rain." Rukia's shoulders relaxed. "I'm not good with emotions," she admitted. "But when I left, and I saw the pain in your eyes as I faded away, my heart felt like it stopped beating. The whole time I was here on my own, the world felt like it was a movie playing in black and white. You gave it color, and I don't want to ever want to lose that again." Ichigo reached out hesitantly, but before he could finish the motion, Rukia leaned in and pressed her lips against his, sealing the words inside. And in that moment, both of their hearts beat with a purpose again.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I realize that Ichigo is rather OOC, but his character is different in this story from the depression and something else you will hear about in another chapter. I also acknowledge that my writing is extremely rushed, but I'm working on that. The last bit of this chapter is a flashback, and I altered the goodbye scene. Other than that, enjoy and please review!**

Ichigo pulled back, standing quickly. He looked angry, almost scared. Shaking his head, he muttered, "I can't do this," and disappeared in a mixture of sonido and shunpo. Rukia stared after him. What had happened? And why was he running again?

Ichigo reappeared in the training area under Sokyouku hill. He was breathing heavily, partially from the run there and partially from shock. Clutching his head, he tried to control the screaming voices inside. GO BACK AND APOLOGIZE, one voice growled. *argue with her* another shouted. Ichigo knew from experience that Zangetsu couldn't help him. Curling up in the fetal position, he retreated inside his own fevered brain to try to save himself from insanity.

Rukia was sitting in shock. Everything had gone how it was supposed to, except... 'Go after him.' Sode no Shirayuki spoke in her mind. Rukia didn't move. 'Go!' her zanpakuto snapped. 'There's something wrong with him right now, and you need to help him! GO!' She jumped to her feet and took off in the direction of Ichigo's reiatsu.

Arriving in the training ground under the Sokyouku, Rukia caught sight of Ichigo thrashing on the ground. "What?" she murmured, confused. "He's fighting his demons," a new voice spoke. Rukia ripped her eyes from Ichigo's tortured expression to see a tall figure dressed in black standing next to him, watching him. "Who are you?" she shouted, grabbing at the hilt of her zanpakuto. The man glanced up at her. "I am Zangetsu, Ichigo's zanpakuto," he explained. Rukia relaxed. "What's wrong with Ichigo?" she asked. The man let out a long breath. "I believe the Human World doctors would diagnose it as schizophrenia. However, his case is self-induced and quite curable."

Rukia's jaw dropped. Schizophrenia. No way. Ichigo shouted in pain. She looked over to see his spine arched, eyes widening. He looked almost possessed. Then he fell flat, spent. Rukia rushed forward, falling to her knees next to him. Ichigo opened his eyes just enough to see her face. "Ru...kia?" he murmured. He reached up, touching her face. "Are you...really here?" She nodded. "I'm here, Ichigo," she said. He dropped his hand. "That's...good," he whispered, and closed his eyes. She almost thought he was dead, until she saw the slow rise and fall of his chest out of the corner of her eye. Rukia sighed. "Honestly, Ichigo, stop scaring me like that," she muttered. She got comfortable against a rock and pulled Ichigo's head into her lap, waiting for him to wake up. "Keep a good eye on him," Zangetsu said. "He has a habit of almost getting himself killed." She nodded, and the zanpakuto spirit faded away back into Ichigo's inner world.

Ichigo woke up. He didn't open his eyes, or even twitch. He had taken to pretending to sleep until he was fully ready to wake up because of his crazy father. He realized his head was currently in someone's lap, and said person was running her hands through his hair. 'Rukia?' he thought. He was soon answered.

"I can't even blame you and call you an idiot this time," Rukia said thoughtfully. "This is probably my fault, and I know that. But you always seem to get better when I hit you and yell at you. So maybe I should do that again. But I'd feel guilty again, and I promised not to do that...Look at me being selfish. You're struggling against something that's my fault in the first place, and all I can think about is myself." Ichigo decided it was time to drop the pretense. "Much as I'd like to lie here all day and listen to you, we should probably hold a conversation that isn't a monologue." Rukia froze for a moment. He was awake and had heard her? She sighed and went back to stroking his hair. "Sometimes I really hate you," she muttered.

"Ichigo. What exactly-" "Please don't ask," said person interrupted. "I don't want to explain. I'll answer your other questions, but not that." Rukia nodded, a little confused but respecting his privacy for once. "What is this place?" she asked. Ichigo didn't exactly smile, but he looked slightly less forlorn. "Urahara built it while he was still in Soul Society. Nobody ever found it until Yoruichi brought me here to train when before I rescued you. It's where I got my Bankai." "I never did hear exactly how you did that in three days," she said accusingly. "Story for a different time," Ichigo evaded. "So why'd you run here?" Rukia asked. He sighed and sat up. "Come on." He showed her the hot spring and explained the healing properties.

Several minutes later, they were sitting up on top of Sokyouku Hill once more. This time, the sun was setting. "I have one question," Ichigo announced, smiling just a bit. Rukia just looked at him. "What are we going to tell Byakuya?" Her eyes went wide. "Shit." Laughing, the orange-haired man got to his feet and offered her a hand. For once, she actually accepted the gesture. "Ichigo? Can I ask you something?" Rukia said quietly. He raised one eyebrow. "You just did, but I'll allow another question, sure," Ichigo replied. "Well...sometimes, you act so happy, just like you used to. But other times, you look almost angry. Why?" He looked away. "Everyone's got problems, Rukia. Mine are just worst than most." And she figured that was all she was going to get out of him.

"Dinner?" Rukia asked. Ichigo grinned. "You're paying," he decided. As they walked down towards Seireitei, Ichigo developed a strange feeling in his stomach. It was pleasant, but unfamiliar. 'The rain has stopped,' Zangetsu said. Then he realized. It was happiness.

The next two days passed in a blur for Ichigo. Ukitake gave Rukia the month off, for "vacation". Both of them were rather pleased with that. The only thing to darken Ichigo's happiness was his nightmares. That night's was particularly bad.

Ichigo and Rukia stood facing each other outside of Kurosaki Clinic. Ichigo could feel the last bit of his powers slipping away, and Rukia's fading figure served to reinforce that fact. "Ichigo-" she started. "Don't," he said quietly. "Don't say goodbye. This is not the end. I'm going to see you again. I'm not losing you again. Even if I have to wait till I die." Rukia stared straight into his eyes. "You won't have to wait that long," she said, and then Ichigo lost sight of her completely. "Thank you," he murmured. Ichigo Kurosaki walked back into his house, now completely powerless, and feeling like his soul had been torn in two.

That morning Ichigo opened his closet, opening his mouth to tell Rukia to get up. Then he stopped. She was gone. The makeshift bed was was empty, with the sheets neatly folded and placed on top. Ichigo fell back into bed and felt the rain inside begin to fall.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hey guys! Several things to address: One, apologies for the long update time. I'm typing this on my phone, which leads to the next subject. The app I'm using doesn't have italics or bold, and I have to copy and paste my story into the doc manager. I'm writing this in the manager itself. Also, this is my first time writing with song lyrics. Good? Bad? Let me know in the review box below! (That rhymes. New catchphrase? Forget it, back on topic.) The lyrics used are from the song "Wherever You Are" by 5 Seconds of Summer. It's a great song, and I think it really fits this story, with the exception of the second verse, which I omitted for story purposes. Anyway, I would highly recommend listening to that song while Ichigo sings it. Without further ado, here's chapter 5! Please R&R!**

When Rukia showed up, Ichigo was rapidly going through a brutal series of push-ups with a large rock on his back. "Are you kidding me?" she shouted when she drew near. He easily flipped the rock off his back, revealing that he was in fact shirtless, and showing off an incredibly well-toned body. Rukia didn't let that distract her, though. "We specifically agree that we're going out today, and what are you doing? Training. What do you do, live here!?" she yelled.  
>"Unlike some people, I actually believe in getting stronger! Maybe you're so short because you never bother training!" Ichigo yelled right back."That doesn't even make sense! How would training make me grow!? And you're just a giant, I have a perfectly respectable height!" she argued. "And it's hardly my fault you basically live in training ground!" Rukia stopped. "Wait, you don't actually live here, do you?" she questioned.<br>Ichigo stood, stretching and popping his bones back into place. Rukia blushed slightly at the sight of his bare chest. Granted, she had seen him shirtless before, but he was normally covered in bandages. "Follow me," he muttered, jolting her back into reality. "At least put on a shirt," Rukia said as she followed him deeper into the training grounds.  
>Ichigo stepped up to a small cave in the rocks, the entrance blocked by a boulder. With a grunt, he rolled the rock away, revealing a small area with, lo and behold, a sleeping mat, several spare shihakushos, and a guitar. Rukia facepalmed.<br>"You legitimately live here? This what you meant by having a place to stay?" she lectured. "That's ridiculous. You..." Ichigo tuned her out, preferring to focus on her instead of the words coming out of her mouth. She really was beautiful. Deep violet eyes, a color that didn't exist in his world, and short black hair, that unruly strand still hanging across her face.  
>"...You play the guitar?" Rukia's no longer angry voice brought Ichigo back to earth. "Yeah," he nodded. "I'm the lead singer in a band back home." She tipped her head to one side, thinking. "Play a song for me," the midget demanded.<br>Ichigo raised an eyebrow, surprised at the request. "You really wanna hear me play?" he said, trying to confirm if he'd heard what he thought he'd heard. "Yep. Put on a shirt first though," she clarified. Grunting about over-sensitive midgets, he pulled a shihakusho top on, picking up his guitar.  
>Strumming the first few chords of his song, he launched into the first verse.<p>

For a while we pretended  
>That we never had to end it<br>But we knew we'd have to say goodbye.

Rukia's jaw dropped. He had the voice of goddamn angel. She was in so much shock that she missed the second verse, and got back to reality as Ichigo started the chorus.

Torn in two,  
>And I know I shouldn't tell you<br>But I just can't stop thinking of  
>You<br>Wherever you are  
>You<br>Wherever you are  
>Every night I almost call you<br>Just to say it always will be  
>You<br>Wherever you are

She stared at him. The strawberry had this much talent!? And the song...Oh god, the song was so clearly written about her. When she left, did he write this?

I could fly a thousand oceans  
>But there's nothing that compares to<br>What we had and so I walk alone

I wish I didn't have to become  
>Maybe you've already moved on<br>But the truth is I don't want to know

Ichigo sang the chorus again, holding the notes perfectly. Then he started the final part of the song.

You can say we'll be together  
>Someday<br>But nothing last forever  
>Nothing stays the same<br>So why can't I stop feeling  
>This way<p>

He finished the song with the chorus one last time, letting the final notes echo around the cave. "What do you think?" Ichigo finally asked when the sound faded away. Rukia just sat in utter shock, mouth open. He smirked, laughing silently at her expression.  
>Rukia finally managed to close her mouth, mind reeling. "You...I...Did you write that about.." she stammered. Ichigo's smile dropped off his face. "Yeah. I joined Chad's band about a month after you left, when I still had hope. I wrote that one just about a week after. Music was my escape for a while," he explained. Rukia shook her head. The old Ichigo could never have written something so...emotional. 'He's changed so much,' she thought wistfully. 'I hurt him so bad.'<br>On a spur-of-the-moment feeling, Rukia stood and walked over to Ichigo, wrapping her arms around him. He automatically hugged her back, holding her against his chest. "Not that I mind," Ichigo started after several moments. "But what is this for exactly?"  
>Rukia was silent for a second, finding it hard to express what exactly she was feeling. "I guess I feel bad," she mused. "It's like you're a completely different person than you were before, and it's my fault." Ichigo smirked over her shoulder, finding irony in her words. "Look midget," he began. "I'm not exactly amazing with emotions either. Neither of us can sit down and talk about our feelings. But it's pretty obvious that's not true. Yes, I'm different. But you're closer to me than anyone else. You of all people should be able to tell that I'm still me."<br>Rukia smiled sadly. He was right. The old Ichigo was still in there, hiding from the pain behind an emotionless mask. "You're right, but that really is why I'm..." she trailed off awkwardly, still uncomfortable talking about their newfound relationship.  
>"Hey! This isn't right!" she suddenly announced. Ichigo raised an eyebrow, disregarding the fact that she couldn't see him. "I'm supposed to be the one comforting you!" Laughing, he pulled her away from his chest to face her. "Listen up, midget," he said, pushing his face forwards. "I don't need comforting."<br>Ichigo kissed her aggressively, like he was proving a point. Shocked, she sat there still for a moment, before kissing him back just as hard. His lips curved up into a smile, accepting the challenge. Forcing her mouth open, he slid his tongue into her mouth. Moaning slightly, she tangled her hands in his hair.  
>And that was when Abarai Renji walked in.<p> 


End file.
